Little black book that had love
by CelinLily
Summary: A line of sad poems I write when I feel for it reflecting a story of a wonam named Cissa, Nacissa Malfoy nee Black and the love she thougth she could have, how naïve she was back then. Edited and complete, includes after Draco read it!
1. Chapter 1

Draco sobbed once more into his pillow, it wasn't fair, it justt wasn't fair. His eyes were red and puffy, as he had been crying for quite a while.

Narcissa Malfoy entered the room of her beloved son, to find him a nervous wreck.

-'Oh honey, it'll be bether, I know it.' she said, truly knowing what she talked about

-'But, but why?' Draco hiccuped through his sobs

-'I can't tell you that, but if you want to know, you can have my diary from my first broken heart, ok?' she smiled sadly, bracing her from the hysterous cries of denial that never came.

-'You mean it?' he asked his mother with a hint of hope in his hoarse voice(spelling?)

-'Of course I do my little dragon, have I ever lied or decived you before, just let me get it for you.' Narcissa kissed him on his forehead and went to fetch her old diary

She smiled with teary eyes as she gave it to her only child, remebering the first entry she had written in the little black book no longer in her care:

:::Property of NariCissa Black:::

She had been so naive then, thinking if only he had loved her too, that she migth not have married Lucius, but she had not been informed of his fiancee, nor of his curse. But thise innocent times had been nice to return to, instead of living in this time of dust, where the battlefield was still covered in blood from he dead, at least the dark lord hadn't been victorious, that would have been even worse, for all of them.


	2. Chapter 2

'I really love it, but I better not read

It is not healthy, but I do not really care

When you said no I didn't break down and cry

I turned to fiction and for that I can not my love deny

Addicted to it, yes I am

I have found that I can not quit

Addicted, not trying to stop

But then alone I can drop my mask

Your eyes were so cold

In it's web I'm caugth

If only I stopped

Would I get over you?

Would I stop comparing all the others, to you?

Or would I turn to something else

To kill the time I usually spend:

Laugthing, smiling, cooing, awing, crying and the like

Because you see, I think I still love you.

For all that might have been is the saddest words, I know

But would it bee so bad for me, to ask:

What migth have been if only, if only you loved me too'


	3. Chapter 3

I apologise

I apologise, I did not know you felt like that.  
I apologise, I thought you did not like me back I apologise, I hoped you did love Jack

I apologise,  
for the things I said,  
for the words I prayed,  
and for all that I put you through.

I will never ever get over the fact that you did love me too

I look back at those days,  
when you threw noodles in my way so I got it in my hair and you had to help me get it away

I remember what you called me that cute nickname that you gave me and I knew I did like you and hoped you felt like that too

I apologie, but I still do not know how to show you that I do love you ... 


	4. Chapter 4

All I ever want to is to be wanted.

That I have someone to love who loves me back.

To know someone will be there and catch me if I fall.

But I'm afraid.

I feel so insecure.

I'm just so lost.

I feel trapped in my anxterty.

You say you love me,

That you will be there for me,

That you will catch me if I fall.

I think you wonder why I turn you down.

I know I should give you a chance,

But I have Fallen too many times

and I have Lost faith in love.

Even though I dream that my knigth in shiny armor will come,

I won't let you become him.

Athough I do like those days

when you call my name

and say that you do love me,

In the hallways

Sorry, but I have an issue 'bout trust


	5. Chapter 5

Bafflement

Why do I feel like this?

Feeling confused

Why do I take

Why do I give

Why are we born when we do nothing but hurt and kill?

Tonigth

Tonigth I will do it

Yes, tonigth

Will see a swift death

Goodbye Cissy, Andy and Trixie

Nari will be no more


	6. Chapter 6

Draco was confused. Wasn't this his mothers diary? Who was this Nari person? Did his mother have a twin, on Nari came from Narcissa, but so did Cissy. A mystery. But not for him. If he was Potter he migth want to try it, but he wasn't. Besides, mother migth tell him in the morning .She did owe him an explanation after all.

But a new path carved it's way through his thougths: What if this was his mothers way of saying goodbye to him, and the world. What had happened, did his father have something to do with it?

Cissa was afterall the mask she wore.

-Well it was her choice, she did tell him that.

In her peculiar way of doing it of course, she was an original, not some cheap boring copycat.

Not that it gave him a way to fix his lovelife.

... or did it, she showed him a way, a way to end it, but it was a way out of all his troubles that was more permanent than that of the bottle. And father couldn't care if he died or not, he juust wanted an heir. Stupid father.


End file.
